16 and BRILLIANT!

Lately I have been watching a lot of "Sixteen and Pregnant". Genius show. No sarcasm there. I have always been a big proponent of MTV's 'docu' series: "True Life", "Made" (I "Made" my own "Made" once.), "Fat Camp", the triumphant "Return to Fat Camp", etc. On today's 9:30 am episode, a 16 and pregnant Arizona charmer (Aubrey, above) and her husband, while escaping poverty by living with the girl's Mee-Maw, blew the husband's paycheck on a gold scanner.

Like a metal detector, but equipped only to alert the user when GOLD is near. I think this was a really good way for them to spend their money. Think of the practicality. One ounce of gold will make them a thousand dollars or so, therefore, the gold scanner will pay for itself! A hundred fold!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and the holidays coming up, I'm thankful for MTV's docuseries. Without them, I might have a moment to take a step back and examine my own life with a critical microscope. And nobody should need to do that. Not until they're pregnant, at least.

Not Funny

Recently, two people basically told me "don't quit your day job" in regard to this blog. RUDE! Even if I had a day job to quit, I think this blog is just fine. Humph. You haterz know who you are.

With that said, I have nothing to report. Bye.

I'm in love with someone from a reality show that nobody except me watched

Meaning... I may have a chance!

Let me introduce you to my new favorite fall Bravo show "Thintervention with Jackie Warner". This Biggest Loser/Jillian Michaels' "Losing It" rip puts a new spin on fat people shows. It takes the competition out, and encourages healthy living everyday. There is no lockdown house where contestants stay, nor are the contestants morbidly obese. Instead, they are like most Americans, 30-50 pounds overweight, and those who wish to make a healthy change.

There were eight cast members on the show, and I have made the executive decision that I am going to marry one. His name is Joe, he was the resident a-hole, and he's perfect. He is constantly getting in trouble for his big mouth. When the season finale was on last night, me and the other eight people in America who were watching it's mouths dropped. He was beautiful. Cut and clean and gorgeous. The last snippet of the show revealed that he got a promotion and moved to Denver. Denver sounds good to me! He said he was ready to meet and boink his soulmate. I think I have a pretty good shot. He looks and sounds Jewish. It doesn't get much better than this, ladiez.

Peter Pan/Toys R Us Moment

Is it so completely insane that I love my 'retail'/no-brainer/front desk job and totally hate my big-girl job? I guess it's not too insane. But why can't I just keep the front desk job forever? Why must I grow up?

Benefits...
Insurance...
Respectable profession to report at reunions...

Arbitrary, really. How long can I keep this job and it still be ok? i.e. "Oh, but you just graduated! Lots of people don't have real jobs now!"

"Oh, you're 65 and still work the front desk at a health club? That's ok! We all need some time to get adjusted! Now off to my flying car!"

Reassure me. Now!

The Documentary of "The Office"

How come The Office never acknowledges that they are a reality show? Clearly the show is shot in documentary format, and during the first couple of seasons each episode took place on a Friday, supposedly in a progression, one Friday to the next and so on.

So why don't they ever talk about the DVDs being released? Or the impact the viewers have made on Jim and Pam's relationship? Because if it truly were a reality show, especially one on BRAVO, you can bet your toosh that there'd be a 'text-in' portion about 3/4 of the way through each episode.

DO YOU THINK JIM SHOULD ASK PAM OUT EVEN THOUGH SHE'S ENGAGED TO ROY? YES- TEXT 12328 TO 32948. RESULTS ONLINE AT BRAVOTV.COM!

This has been bothering me for years, and finally I have an outlet! Has this bothered anyone else or am I just another film major who's taken TV a tad too far?

Why I Hate the Top 40

Following the same principles of my previous blog post "Why I Love the Top 40" I heard a song that makes me want to puke, and realized I've heard it (along with "California Gurls" and "I Like It" 54292712 times in the past two hours. Here is a non-exhaustive list of Why I Hate the Top 40

1. "Love the Way You Lie" Eminem ft. Rihanna

Some have called this song and video "controversial" (I am loosely quoting DJs from KissFM- go figure), in that it deals with domestic abuse in a realistic way. Man beats up on lady, lady goes back, doodadeeda. If perhaps Rihanna wasn't whining in such a way that makes my skin crawl, or she didn't curl her lip in the video, maybe I could stomach it.

2. "Find Your Lovin'" Drake

Aubrey Graham, how could you? You were better off in the wheelchair as Jimmy on Degrassi. The song is boring and repetitive and I DON'T LIKE IT. Bring back Jimmy!

More to come, when the time comes.

Things to do without a cell phone

1. Catch up on your wall-to-walls with a friend.
2. Catch up on two friends wall-to-walls.
3. Track 1,340 stranger's weight gains and losses

Why I Love the Top 40

Ever since I stopped apologizing for loving pop music I've found my life is much easier. I can enjoy 103.5 KISSFM in the car when I have a guest present, instead of pretending to reach for the switch, silently hoping they will tell me I can leave it as is.

My current favorite: "I Like It" by Enrique Iglesias featuring Pit Bull. How can you not love this face?

The song is simple: it is about dancing for a be-moled man and enjoying it. I could be wrong, but listen to it (without the video), and it sounds like both Iglesias and Pit Bull are smiling as they recorded the song. It makes a difference when the artist sounds like they are truly having fun with the song and that is what I love most about it. There is no need to make strong political/ethical/racial statements in every song. That can be left up to Eminem, and he certainly is not smiling when he spits flecks of rage into the microphone during a recording session.

Sidebar: MTV has a delightful show called "When I was 17" where pop artists and actors describe their life at 17 and the other day, I caught the Pit Bull episode. He is great! He was discovered by his Miami high school theatre teacher who saw a star and hooked him up as an extra in a DMX video, where he battled the rapper on set and blew onlookers away.

I was starting to fall for the bald headed Latino until he described the car he owned at 17, in which he boinked many ladies.

Katy Perry is also at the top of the charts this month, with her candy-striped treat "California Gurls". Did you know 101.9 The Mix edits out Snoop Dogg's interlude? His short rhyme is one of the best parts of the song, and The Mix (not a Top 40 station, instead billed as "Adult Contemporary") sucks it out like venom from a snake wound.

This song, along with "I Like It" is easy to learn and sing along with, thanks to its few and uncomplicated lyrics and a catchy hook.

My point is: if you like the Top 40, embrace it! Do not steer clear, for this is music that 97.1 The Drive will someday play while we are driving our kids to soccer practice. When they whine to change it back to Radio Robot Disney, or whatever will be in their future, we will happily tell them to shut up, and enjoy the sounds of our youth.

Comment: what is your summer song?

Chase What Matters

I was driving back from Iowa today, and risked my life to google "Popeyes Chicken" in hopes of finding a restaurant en route back to Chicago. Not only was their website not mobile friendly, but there were no Popeye Chickens anywhere to speak of! A few in Des Moines, one in Peoria, but none along Interstate 80 or 88! What an outrage!

So I came up with the brilliant plan of a Popeyes Chicken Blackberry App, which could safely direct me to the nearest Popeyes Chicken stand, perhaps through voice activated GPS. Other features: a calorie finder so you can know how much shame to feel, outtakes and a blooper reel featuring that nice black lady from the commercials, and instructions on how to open a Popeyes Chicken Franchise. Also: employment opportunities, FAQs, and the history of Popeyes Chicken.

Coincidentally, today's Business Section of the Tribune featured a new app from Chase bank that lets one scan in checks directly to their account, saving Chase bankers annoying trips to the ATM or long lines at the bank. It's really only a matter of time until web developers come up with something useful.