Why Bruno Mars will never "get married"/nobody will ever love him/he sucks

The worst song I've heard lately (not hard since I have only been listening to the same six songs on my iPod recently) came on Wisconsin Top 40 this morning. It is "Marry You" by LA douche Bruno Mars.


Mars, the king of generic lyrics and annoying catchy hooks, has ruined the current rein of lovely marriage songs. Namely, Run DMC and Jagged Edge's brilliant "Let's Get Married (Remix)" Is it because the latter was an important staple during my middle school's variety show, Haven Help Us, or because it resurfaced during another great year of my life, England study abroad in 2009? I'll bet Bruno Mars' cocaine stash that it's because it's just an awesome song.

Any improv actor or writer or person working in the creative field can confidently tell you that specificity is key. If Bruno Mars could throw in anything less generic than "Her eyes, her eyes, are really great and shining and stuff", maybe we'd be working with the next Nick Lachey's Solo Career. Mars sings like a Facebook user half-heartedly complimenting someone's new profile picture.

Whereas the perfect members of Jagged Edge have painted us this gorgeous picture along with an awesome video. The members begin at a traditional wedding ceremony, where they describe how much they love the bride-to-be with a refreshing dash of honesty: "I know these so-called players wouldn't tell you this. But Imma be real and say what's on my heart. Let's take a chance and make this love feel relevant. Don't you know I've loved you from the start?"

"And I think about all the years we've put in this relationship. Who knew we'd make it this far? And I think about where would I be if we were to just fall apart. I can't stand the thought of losing you"

Foundation for a great marriage. Brian Casey makes us believe in this relationship from the beginning.



Mars' opening lyrics?

"It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you."

Well. There ya have it. No need for any backstory, human emotion, or specifics in Mars' argument. I'm hooked. He goes on:

"Don’t say no, no, no, no-no; Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah; And we’ll go, go, go, go-go. If you’re ready, like I’m ready."

Back to my boyz (sidenote: "Let's Get Married" came out on the same album as "Where the Party At?", arguably one of the best party songs of 2000- ask my mom who drove me around endlessly that summer)



Reverend Run of Run DMC has an excellent guest verse on this song. He provides further specifics about the bride-to-be, along with a couple of details about his own life. Within seconds, the listener feels more connected to Reverend Run than today's Bruno Mars fan, who after one MP3 download after another, still can't figure out why they don't really get him.