#rachelthoughts

I went jogging today and smiled at all the like-minded peeps running past me. I smiled at a tall guy with curly hair wearing a green Ireland shirt and he smiled a stange, tight lipped smile back at me. He was one of two things:

1. Married
2. Shy, but learned how to smile by watching other humans interact, the way they use flashcards for autistic kids learning emotions.

-Rachel

Perks of Unemployment

(or more accurately, the mega-part-time employed)

1. I am SUPER early for everything.
2. I am falling out of my clothes, because I cannot afford to eat anything that is not in my apartment, which is currently oatmeal and Lipton Cup-a-Soup
3. I started Breaking Bad today and figure I should be done with all 33 episodes on Netflix by the weekend.
4. I have gone through all my Facebook friends and have been deleting non-important humans by the dozens.

Care to add yours? Oy vey.

Yours truly,

Rachel Victoria

Why Bruno Mars will never "get married"/nobody will ever love him/he sucks

The worst song I've heard lately (not hard since I have only been listening to the same six songs on my iPod recently) came on Wisconsin Top 40 this morning. It is "Marry You" by LA douche Bruno Mars.


Mars, the king of generic lyrics and annoying catchy hooks, has ruined the current rein of lovely marriage songs. Namely, Run DMC and Jagged Edge's brilliant "Let's Get Married (Remix)" Is it because the latter was an important staple during my middle school's variety show, Haven Help Us, or because it resurfaced during another great year of my life, England study abroad in 2009? I'll bet Bruno Mars' cocaine stash that it's because it's just an awesome song.

Any improv actor or writer or person working in the creative field can confidently tell you that specificity is key. If Bruno Mars could throw in anything less generic than "Her eyes, her eyes, are really great and shining and stuff", maybe we'd be working with the next Nick Lachey's Solo Career. Mars sings like a Facebook user half-heartedly complimenting someone's new profile picture.

Whereas the perfect members of Jagged Edge have painted us this gorgeous picture along with an awesome video. The members begin at a traditional wedding ceremony, where they describe how much they love the bride-to-be with a refreshing dash of honesty: "I know these so-called players wouldn't tell you this. But Imma be real and say what's on my heart. Let's take a chance and make this love feel relevant. Don't you know I've loved you from the start?"

"And I think about all the years we've put in this relationship. Who knew we'd make it this far? And I think about where would I be if we were to just fall apart. I can't stand the thought of losing you"

Foundation for a great marriage. Brian Casey makes us believe in this relationship from the beginning.



Mars' opening lyrics?

"It’s a beautiful night, we’re looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you."

Well. There ya have it. No need for any backstory, human emotion, or specifics in Mars' argument. I'm hooked. He goes on:

"Don’t say no, no, no, no-no; Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah; And we’ll go, go, go, go-go. If you’re ready, like I’m ready."

Back to my boyz (sidenote: "Let's Get Married" came out on the same album as "Where the Party At?", arguably one of the best party songs of 2000- ask my mom who drove me around endlessly that summer)



Reverend Run of Run DMC has an excellent guest verse on this song. He provides further specifics about the bride-to-be, along with a couple of details about his own life. Within seconds, the listener feels more connected to Reverend Run than today's Bruno Mars fan, who after one MP3 download after another, still can't figure out why they don't really get him.

Tonight... on The Biggest Lesbian

Did Kaylee on NBC's 'The Biggest Loser' come out of the closet on Tuesday night and did NBC edit it out? It sure seemed that way.


20 year old Kaylee from Shelley, Idaho, decided her time was up. "I kind of had a moment. I mean of course 'The Biggest Loser' is about weight loss, but for me, there was something else I was looking for, and that was to find myself. And to find confidence. And I found that this week." At the end of their last chance workout, her trainer Kara asks, "Do you feel strong?" Kaylee takes her hands and says, "I feel stronger than I've ever felt.... I'm changed. I know what's best for me. I found my voice and my voice is telling me that I'm done here. There isn't much more for me, I'm so close to my goal weight and I've found what I've been looking for emotionally, it's like, what else is there for me?" she says tearfully. Wait, what did she find? NBC cut to commercial before we could find out.

NBC, in general, is one of the more liberal networks on television. "The Office" provides satire regarding homophobia (Michael Scott or Dwight's reaction of Oscar being gay)

Michael Scott: Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
Dwight Schrute: Of course.
Michael Scott: What about Oscar?
Dwight Schrute: Absolutely not.
Michael Scott: Well... he is.
Dwight Schrute: Well he's not dressed in women's clothes so... -

It certainly does not carry the stigma of being home to an openly conservative news network, like Fox News.

So if she did come out on camera, why did they cut it out? Hypothetically, of course. Four years of critical examination of television, film, and all media have ruined my sense of wonder. Now I just demand to know the truth. (I guess I could have done that without four years of a liberal arts education. Oopz) 'The Biggest Loser' seems to have a notoriously Christian and conservative audience (not including this liberal Jew), and same goes with the players. This season, six of the 22 contestants are Mormon: including Kaylee and her dad Moses, along with four more.



This wouldn't be the first time a lady has come on The Biggest Loser, and while losing pounds, she discovered her true self as I believe Kaylee did.

TMZ has learned Rasha Spindel -- who appeared on the NBC reality show back in 2006 with her then-fiance Edwin Chapman -- recently divorced the guy after three years of marriage ... and is now engaged to a woman.

Of course, I'm speculating. Maybe all the 20 year old needed was to "find her voice". No matter what that voice is saying ("I like girls"). No matter that up until now, the show has given no specific examples of the voice she was lacking. It is as vague and cliche as saying "I found myself". Ok, but what did you find? What kind of person are you? What drives you? In the same vein, what kind of voice do you have, Kaylee? Are you funny? Are you a good friend? Are you outspoken?

Even if Kaylee isn't gay and her declaration of finding her voice wasn't about her (homo)sexuality, I think I (and the rest of the eight billion people who watch the show) would like to know what her voice is saying. We have invested in you girlfriend! If not by watching the entire season (and past) so far, at least for an hour and twenty minutes of this episode until you decided to open your mouth. Give me some specifics and maybe I'll shut up.

I guess I'll have to wait until the Morman community would accept Kaylee and TMZ gets ahold of it. When that happens, be confident that I will say "told you so!"

16 and BRILLIANT!

Lately I have been watching a lot of "Sixteen and Pregnant". Genius show. No sarcasm there. I have always been a big proponent of MTV's 'docu' series: "True Life", "Made" (I "Made" my own "Made" once.), "Fat Camp", the triumphant "Return to Fat Camp", etc. On today's 9:30 am episode, a 16 and pregnant Arizona charmer (Aubrey, above) and her husband, while escaping poverty by living with the girl's Mee-Maw, blew the husband's paycheck on a gold scanner.

Like a metal detector, but equipped only to alert the user when GOLD is near. I think this was a really good way for them to spend their money. Think of the practicality. One ounce of gold will make them a thousand dollars or so, therefore, the gold scanner will pay for itself! A hundred fold!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and the holidays coming up, I'm thankful for MTV's docuseries. Without them, I might have a moment to take a step back and examine my own life with a critical microscope. And nobody should need to do that. Not until they're pregnant, at least.

Not Funny

Recently, two people basically told me "don't quit your day job" in regard to this blog. RUDE! Even if I had a day job to quit, I think this blog is just fine. Humph. You haterz know who you are.

With that said, I have nothing to report. Bye.

I'm in love with someone from a reality show that nobody except me watched

Meaning... I may have a chance!

Let me introduce you to my new favorite fall Bravo show "Thintervention with Jackie Warner". This Biggest Loser/Jillian Michaels' "Losing It" rip puts a new spin on fat people shows. It takes the competition out, and encourages healthy living everyday. There is no lockdown house where contestants stay, nor are the contestants morbidly obese. Instead, they are like most Americans, 30-50 pounds overweight, and those who wish to make a healthy change.

There were eight cast members on the show, and I have made the executive decision that I am going to marry one. His name is Joe, he was the resident a-hole, and he's perfect. He is constantly getting in trouble for his big mouth. When the season finale was on last night, me and the other eight people in America who were watching it's mouths dropped. He was beautiful. Cut and clean and gorgeous. The last snippet of the show revealed that he got a promotion and moved to Denver. Denver sounds good to me! He said he was ready to meet and boink his soulmate. I think I have a pretty good shot. He looks and sounds Jewish. It doesn't get much better than this, ladiez.